Chapter 12

At the time of writing we have once again reached that strange time of year that you humans refer to as ‘Christmas’ This is the time when you all eat too much, drink too much and grow trees inside your houses…..a strange tradition but, well, who am I to comment on how you live your lives. We have a similar period in Grimney where we all celebrate our creator. We call it Grimnius. We don’t go mad buying each other presents and decorating our caves but we do have a yearly ritual where we sprinkle sequins outside Grimnian’s castle. That is we DID until a few years ago when Grimnien banned it!

It was unfortunate really how it happened……………

We Grimniens had made our usual pilgrimage to the wizard’s castle carrying our bags of sequins. We were in high spirits as we stood in the grounds chanting;

Hail the mighty wizard who created us but thankfully, not in his own image. We thank you mighty Grimnien for your wonderful gift of life. All hail the mighty son of Mrs Grimnien……….and so on and so forth……..

We then scattered our sequins over the garden in his honour and stood back awaiting his appearance. All eyes were fixed on his front door in anticipation and wonderment……………What would our great wizard be wearing this Grimnius?…………….

On this particular occasion he had chosen an off-the-shoulder number in blue silk with blue high heels adorned with glitter. He looked quite a picture until………………..he stepped out to wish us all a Happy Grimnius and slipped on the sequins landing flat on his face! Unfortunately, cameras hadn’t been invented in Grimney or it would have made a stunning Grimnius photograph! We all stood around trying not to laugh until a couple of ‘creeps’ rushed forward and picked Grimnien up. His face was bright red which clashed with his blue dress and it was hard to keep a straight face…………. It wasn’t long after that when the minstrels informed us that the traditional sequin sprinkle had been abolished because Grimnien is quite shy and doesn’t like us to make a fuss!

Anyway, I believe this is my third Christmas on your planet and we have a saying;

‘When on earth, do as the humans do’

so, I’ve been running around like a headless chicken the past couple of weeks trying to find suitable gifts for my colleagues, not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination, I mean…….What do you buy for a sequin-obsessed wizard? In the end I decided to buy him some sequins……..I’m astute like that you see!

Morton was the hardest to buy for, I mean, I don’t even LIKE him so why I’ve been traipsing round the high street for days to find him a present I really do not know! – if you don’t believe me look at these! –

<holds up blister covered hands to computer screen>

I went to Top Clam, Debenclams, H Clamuels………………..In the end I bought him a CD! I hope he likes Clam of the world’ by Fleetwood Macfisheries!

I bought this for Hall in an antique shop and thought she’d like it:


I don’t know WHO is in the picture but……No WONDER it was in an antique shop:-)

I won’t tell you what I bought for Kara <blushes>  but I do like that shop! What was it called? <scratches head> erm…….it was something like, Ann Winters I think……..or was it Anne Autumn??………oh, never mind, I’m sure Kara will be delighted anyway……….

It’s taken me nearly three weeks to buy three presents! Mind you I did spend nineteen days in Ann Spring’s shop! After that experience I’ve decided……..NO MORE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING for me, it’s a ridiculous tradition! The rest of the Grimniens will be getting gift vouchers, they can do their own traipsing round! Tch!

Right I must go I think my neighbour has slipped on the grass or something……he’s shouting through my letter box, sounds something like……

‘Gongle can you come and get this sod off?’





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