OK, So I keep getting emails from people, THOUSANDS of emails……….ok, two! You two are obviously desperate for the next chapter of my book to appear. WELL, what you don’t seem to realise is that I am an extremely busy imp! Some of you still haven’t got it through those thick skulls of yours that I’m a MEGASTAR! Do you think megastars have nothing else to do except write books? Tch! Have you seen the new site? MineEye? I built that site single footedly! Oh yes I know, I’ve heard other folk claiming to have built it, there’s that Rob for a start – whoever he is! What’s that fancy title he gives himself? Oh, something like Technical Director! Pah, Technical Director my hand!
You lot don’t seem to realise just how incredibly important I really am. Well let me tell you, apart from building MineEye I am also fixing the mess that the humans made of VoiceBoxLive! On top of that I run our newspaper – you know the one that Kara claims to run? Now I wouldn’t say anything about that normally because, as you know Kara is pretty alright as far as I’m concerned but I’m getting a tad fed up with people claiming to be doing all this work when, really it’s me who does everything and gets no thanks whatsoever!
I write ALL the articles for Celebrity VoiceBoxLive and then they appear under various names such as Shona or Caroline or Steve or Melodie, I’m sick of it I tell you, sick of it! To add insult to injury my author sends out tweets on Twitter saying things like……..I’m just a mere imp and I don’t understand your human technology! Pah, well I’ve got news for you Steve Bob, if it wasn’t for this magnificent Megastar you wouldn’t have anything to send your tweets out on because…….Yes, that’s right I built Twitter as well. Not only that but those tablets you’re reading this marvellous book on?…………..YES that’s right, I invented them too Computers? Telephones? Aeroplanes? Big Ben? Tower Bridge? Television? All invented by yours truly!
Come ON humans, how do you think I got to be a famous megastar?? Just by having an extremely handsome face?
NO! My incredible good looks and wonderful personality help of course but it’s the fact that I’m a TOTAL GENIUS that got me to where I am today. You know what really makes me laugh? Some incredibly stupid humans try to say that I don’t really exist and that I am simply the figment of someone else’s imagination! Well just you remember this when you’re spreading these ugly rumours about me…………..if it wasn’t for ME you wouldn’t have phones or tablets to spread those rumours on! If it wasn’t for me you’d be still sitting in your caves waiting for the minstrels to come around and tell you what’s happening in the next village!
Did I tell you about the time I invented the wheel? Oh no I’ll tell you about that another time because, as you know I’m not one to brag……………
You know my author, Steve Bob? Well before I came along he was a sad shell of a man, walking round in a daze saying things like, ‘What could I write a book about?’ I had to come along and give him MEANING to his sad little life! Now he has the cheek to tell people I’m JUST an imp and I don’t understand technology! PAH!
I’ll let you into a little secret……….I was going to write this chapter last week but then I got a call from China on the telephone that I invented (Alexander Graham Bell my eye!) They wanted me to fly out and show them how to build a nuclear reactor so that they can come over and build some for you lot! TCH! As if I’ve nothing else to do!
So next time you’re sitting by the computer – that I invented – huffing and puffing impatiently because you can’t wait for ME to pop up and brighten up your dull, miserable existence, think on, I DO have other things to do!
I’ll let you into another little secret……..You know that annoying clam, Morton Balthus? Well he was once a wizard (You may already know this if you have been paying attention) He turned himself into a clam when he stirred his clam chowder with his magic wand – which gives you some idea of the calibre of wizard that he was <snigger> He can’t remember how to turn himself back to his original form which is why he slithers around on Twitter leaving slime all over the floor these days. Well, look at this!……..<Holds up a dusty book of magic spells> …….
When I stayed at Grimnien’s castle I found this, I KNEW he wouldn’t mind me steali……erm, borrowing it. Well I’ve found the formula for changing Morton back into a wizard but……Don’t you DARE tell him:-) I read the formula every night then laugh myself to sleep! He’d give his right tentacle to get hold of this book but I’ll NEVER give it to him because he’s such a smarmy smart ass I enjoy watching him slither in his own slime:-)
So now you know the reason why it’s taken me so long to write chapter 15! You should see the excuses I came up with at Grimney high for not handing my homework in on time…………….