I know you’ll be overjoyed to know that I’m back from my little adventure. Being a megastar, every once in a while I like to slip away and pretend to be normal for a while. I like to do things that ordinary people do, that’s why I’m such a grounded megastar you see.
Millions of my readers will know what a fantastically superb megastar I am and that I am ‘babe magnet’ personified. You don’t need me to tell you what a talented writer I am, no….indeed my marvellous words speak for themselves but I am going to reveal a secret to you now that NONE of you know…………..
Are you sitting on the edge of your seat? Are you trembling with anticipation? Are you ready to hear a BIG secret that nobody in the universe knows?…………..
Forget Picasso, forget Dali, Kandinsky, Pollack, Warhol, Michelangelo, Vincent Van who? What you didn’t know is that……………
GONGLESHANKS is an AMAZING artist who puts all of the above in the shade……….
So………’Why is he telling us this?’ I hear you ask ‘It’s not like Gongle to brag’…………. Well, just over a week ago I decided to pack my paints and brushes and head off to a secret location. I prefer this location to remain secret because I don’t want to be inundated with fans and paparazzi next time I visit.
What I will tell you is that it is a very mountainous region with stunning…..nay, breathtaking views and I decided to create a masterpiece the likes of which you common people can only dream about creating.
Well, the trip began well. The sky was as blue as something that is very blue and the sun was glinting off the rocks like something that glints a lot so…………out came my paints and brushes and I set about creating my masterpiece. Painting is so relaxing and before I knew it two days had passed, then it happened……………..I ran out of paint! What was worse, I was only half way up the newly painted mountain…….oh hang on, it gets worse!
I realised that I would have to stay half way up the mountain until the paint dried! (Well I didn’t want blooming great hand prints all over my masterpiece) I had to sit half way up that mountain for a whole week! – I use very thick coats of paint when I paint things you see, which would also explain why I ran out of paint half way up.
Luckily I had lots of butties and crisps with me and two giant bottles of pop otherwise this expedition could have ended tragically and you could now be reading a newspaper article about how a megastar was found starved to death half way up……ooops I nearly let the location slip then!
Anyway when I got back I decided to fly straight off to Miami and spend the weekend with my girlfriend Ann before getting back to work with my barmy colleagues. I wish Grimnian would take on an intellectual to keep me company, I really don’t understand why he thinks I’ll be happy working alongside ‘people’ – I use the term loosely – who find enjoyment in continually slamming my head on the desk or leaving slime trails for me to unsuspectingly put my hands in. What you have to put up with in the search for talent! You have NO idea!
Now he’s taken on an old Knight who is falling apart – literally! Don’t get me wrong, Garlan seems very amiable but…..why oh why do we have to spend our energy refurbishing the staff before they can work efficiently? Has that wizard not heard of the job centre?? ………Actually they probably wouldn’t let him in wearing his sequined shorts!
Don’t worry though if you’re new here. Grimnians may be a strange gang – present company excepted – but one thing we all have in common is a desire to find and promote talented individuals. I have heard on the Grimnati vine that our new website is in the final stages so we should have some news in the not-too-distant-future.
Truth is I’m MUCH too good for this place but I do LOVE talented people and I’m hoping that when we move into our new MineEye office I will get an executive office suite all to myself, one that befits a magnificent megastar.
I will be bringing the Featured artist spot back in the near future but with some changes. Watch this space.
OK ladies, you can resume your adoring tweets now but PLEASE don’t all rush at me at once, I need to be eased slowly back into work mode.
Love Gongle x