Chapter 13

i can’t believe the last chapter I wrote was around Christmas time! But you’ll know if you’ve been reading my blog that there have been troubles at Grimney Towers! We were all ready to launch our brand new site, VoiceBoxLive when we were invaded by Gremlins.

It hasn’t been a happy time for our Great Wizard Grimnien it has to be said. Not only did the Gremlins invade his brand new building but they stole his treasured sequins! For anyone who has been following our story you will know how valuable the sequins are to the great wizard.

You may remember me telling you that he is so fond of sequins that he even pebble-dashed the walls of his castle with them? Well those wicked gremlins planned to sneak into his grounds under cover of darkness and scrape his sequins off the walls! The whole affair made poor Grimnien so weak that he even lost the power to turn them into frogs. In the end he decided to embark on an arduous journey back to Grimney in order to search for an eminent wizard to help him.

Luckily he found one who hadn’t managed to turn himself into a clam and brought him back to Twitterland. Grimniens are many things but…….they won’t be beaten by gremlins – especially thieving ones!

Hopefully we will be able to introduce you to our new team member soon but at the moment he’s busy baking his secret family recipe chocolate cakes and feeding them to our unsuspecting squatters.

They think the building is expanding daily but they are being fed ‘shrinking’ cakes and they will eventually disappear.

I asked Grimnien how things were in Grimney, I do miss my home sometimes! Grimney is full of strange characters……..much like your planet:-) They are forever fighting over the land……much like your planet:-) Men in Grimney go out hunting with bows and arrows while the ladies cook and sew……………:-) in my part of Grimney it was like that anyway……before all you Grimnien feminists start shouting at me!!

Humans seem to think that because aliens have invad…..erm landed on their planet that they are advanced beings, well, we are in some ways! But in Grimney, electricity hasn’t been invented, wars are fought with swords or bows and arrows and we get our food from trees, the Grimnati tree in particular. Fruits from the Grimnati tree is magical and the main reason Grimniens live for thousands of years……..if they avoid being struck by arrows of course!

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Grimnien was telling me about his trip to Grimney…..

‘I met Verlio Lazair who is a wizard. In his youth he was an adventurer, travelling across the great Dudrassa sea seated upon a giant sea walrus named Timothy. He has ventured far and wide.  To the top of the Maljoras mountains where he has eaten giant barbecued radigan sausages cooked by fire breathing dragons. Verlio is very ancient, but still plays Grimney rugby and the national sport of cobblesticks.’

Verlio Lazair is the wizard who Grimnien brought back to fix VoiceBoxLive of course. He sounds like he’ll fit into our motley crew nicely:-)

Grimnien went on to tell me that he has spent much time over the last few weeks mixing a variety of colours to make the perfect shade of nail varnish, so he hasn’t sat for long twiddling his thumbs, only when that was needed to help them dry….

Back in the ‘R’ world……………

 We’ve   installed a round table at the office, there has been much discussion and debate as to who should sit at the head of it…….in fact you wouldn’t believe the commotion it caused! I wouldn’t have objected to Kara sitting at the head but she didn’t join in, she just sat smiling demurely as always whilst the team battled around her. Eventually G rimnien was  nominated, although he has yet to realise that round tables don’t have ‘heads’ and is getting rather dizzy walking around in a circle trying to figure this out. Honestly! You couldn’t make it up could you:-)

 Well I have met Verlio Lazair now. Grimnien always introduces me first to new members…..I think he likes to impress them you see:-)  In fact the wizard invited me to his home to share a curry. Very nice it was too. The wizard is very fond of a game called rugby so he insisted  we watch a game whilst we ate our curry. One thing I can tell you is……he is VERY posh! Now you’re wondering how I know this aren’t you? Well……..I was so intrigued with the silly rugby game where everybody piles on top of each other and tries  to grab the strange cylindrical shaped ball…..that I spilled curry all down my shirt!

Noticing me  trying to wipe it off with his cushion,  Verlio took the cushion, gave me some paper towel and said:

‘Shall I tell you how to avoid spilling curry down your shirt Gongle? Hold the plate high up under your chin then it falls back onto the plate.’

You see that’s the sort of thing that seperates posh folk from common folk, they know all about this etiquette stuff:-)

I’m afraid I didn’t understand that rugby at all but, I have learnt something since arriving on your planet. If you tell the truth to humans they get very cross. So instead of saying:

‘Tch what a rubbish game this is’ I used my newfound lying skills and observed the wizard closely. I just groaned and slapped my hand against my forhead when he did and jumped out of my chair shouting ‘YES’ and punching the air when he did.

‘Oh you’re a rugby fan then’ enquired Verlio……

‘Oh I LOVE rugby!’ I enthused.  Only trouble is he keeps inviting me round ‘for another night of Rugger ol’ chap’ and I’m running out of excuses……………

I think this has been playing on my mind as I haven’t been able to get to sleep lately. Anyway I decided to take your humanly advice and try counting sheep, the only trouble is, by the time I’ve clambered over the farmer’s fence and crossed three fields to where he keeps his sheep I’m WIDE awake again! You humans do get some very strange ideas!

Speaking of strange humans I have met two new friends in Twitterland recently, they are called Caroline and Shona. Now Caroline is obviously in love with me so she’s not quite as barmy as she looks! Shona, on the other foot, pretends not to like me but she secretly loves me. I know this because she keeps offering to kiss me…..Glasgow style, whatever that is:-) Caroline is currently pesteri……erm chatting to me in Twitterland whilst I’m writing this! <sigh> Such is the price for being famous:-)

I was also introduced to a new place on your planet by an old friend, Richard Maddock. Richard is the one who wrote the beautiful music for our You Tube advert which we will be tweeting again once Verlio stops watching that silly Rugby game and sorts those gremlins out!

Anyway I’ve got myself a little holiday cottage in Tsu.co which I’ve invited my Twitterati to but so far only twelve people have followed me there. Not even my number one fan, Tori has showed her face there yet…….and she has the cheek to call herself number one fan! It’s very pleasant only having twelve followers, it’s quite peaceful and serene not having all the loony types pestering me there, although, Caroline came running as soon as I invited her so I suppose she must have the title ‘number one fan’ in there……at least until Tori arrives:-)

The holiday home is fab! There’s no word limit in there and @geordietaf has already posted two rubbish full length poems in there. Anyway if any of you want to join me there you can join through this link: https://www.tsu.co/Gongleshanks

You can make money there too, I only joined three days ago and I’ve already earned $500! …………………give or take $499. 90 cents:-)

Anyway I really must go and dispose of……..erm read the pile of Rugby magazines that my new best mate, Verlio has just posted through my letterbox <rolls eyes>